Butters the Class Clown
by Shadowgate
Summary: What happens when Butters goes to school drunk? Find out in this story.


Butters the Class Clown

By Shadowgate

…

Linda Stotch was getting ready for work when she came down and screamed at Steven.

"GODDAMN IT I TOLD YOU TO PUT MY DRESS IN THE FUCKING DRYER TO GET THE WRINKLES OUT!"

Steven said he didn't remember because he was under so much stress and asked if she was sure she didn't tell Butters. She said "oh well lately I've been so stressed out I may have told Butters and not you."

Steven commented "maybe you did tell me but I forgot I've been so stressed out with two people at work quitting and the new boss being a complete asshole."

Linda yelled "WELL GODDAMN IT NOW I'LL BE LATE FOR WORK!"

Steven then asked his wife where the milk was for his cereal. Linda got mad and grabbed a bottle of beer. She poured beer on his cereal.

Linda asked "how's that?"

Steven followed Linda into the living room and started screaming at her.

When Butters came into the kitchen to eat he saw a bowl of cereal and toast.

Butters said out loud "oh good mom made my breakfast."

Butters took a bite out of the cereal and thought to himself "that tastes funny."

Butters then said to himself "we must be out of milk so mom put sugar free apple juice on my cereal."

Butters noticed a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice and figured "well at least I'll get some milk this morning" and he drank both of them.

When Steven and Linda Stotch entered he kitchen they found Butters had eaten the cereal she poured the beer on.

Butters got up out of his chair and he was wobbly and Linda yelled "BUTTERS I POURED THAT BEER ON THAT CEREAL BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOUR FATHER. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT CEREAL!"

Butters replied "well I just thought you were out of milk so I ate that cereal and whoa I thought that was sugar free apple juice and not beer."

Linda said "you are grounded mister."

Steven said "now wait we can't ground Butters for this because you poured the beer and he didn't know."

Linda was furious and yelled "HOW DARE YOU SIDE WITH BUTTERS OVER ME?"

Linda then slapped Steven and Steven was mad.

Steven said "I'll take Butters to school and I don't want to deal with you for the rest of the day."

When Butters got to class he sat down. He was still feeling unbalanced.

Mister Garrison entered the classroom and said "okay class I have a big project for you all to do."

Butters asked "is it as big as your cock" and then he started mumbling.

Mister Garrison said "Butters you act like you're drunk."

Butters said "well my mom poured beer on my cereal this morning, ugh oh la la it was meant for my dad."

After responding to Mister Garrison Butters fell out of his chair.

The whole class laughed.

Butters got back up and sat down.

Mister Garrison said "I may have to have you sent home Butters."

Butter replied "Mister Garrison did I ever tell you that I love it when Stan and Kyle play football? I wish they'd pat each other's butts like they do in real football because they would look so cute patting each other's butts."

Everybody but Stan and Kyle laughed.

Mister Garrison said "okay Butters that was a cute joke now we need to get started on our project."

Butters began singing "you make me feel; you make me feel like a natural woman."

Butters then turned to Wendy and asked "Wendy have you ever felt like a natural woman?"

The whole class except Wendy, Stan, and Kyle laughed.

Mister Garrison said "Butters do you need to sit in time out?"

Butters answered "I have a time out cap."

Butters pulled out a red cap and walked over to the time out chair in the corner. He stood up on the chair and put the cap on. The cap had a button which he pushed and it lit up. Then it played circus music.

The whole class turned around and laughed hard as Butters stuck his tongue out and made a face.

Mister Garrison said "THAT'S IT YOU'RE GOING TO THE MAIN OFFICE!"

Butters sat in a chair and made faces at Counselor Mackey.

Counselor Mackey said "I'm very disappointed in you young man. I've called your dad to come down here because you are drunk. Now they told me everything that happened as to how you got drunk but honestly I would think that after the first bite of cereal with beer on it you would have stopped eating it. This is really ridiculous. Due to the fact you didn't stop eating after the first bite I'm holding you responsible and you're going to be suspended for three days."

Steven Stotch walked in and said "Butters now you are grounded because you acted up in school while being drunk."

Butters whined "dad it was mom who put the beer on my cereal."

Steven said "well you acted up in the classroom."

Butters said "well I think the alcohol is wearing off now."

Steven said "well good and the next time mommy puts beer on cereal because she's mad at me don't drink it."

Butters said "yes sir."

Counselor Mackey asked "why the hell would your wife put beer on your cereal?"

Steven answered "well she was being a bitch this morning that's why."

Counselor Mackey said "well I wish I had a wife who would put beer on my cereal."

Butters, Counselor Mackey, and Steven all laughed.

Steven said "it's not even 10 AM and already this day is turning out to be incredible."

Butters commented "it sure is."

THE END


End file.
